My Private Journal (Oct. 2019)

Stephen Phinney


The Camel Rider's Journal. Today I woke up to a resource sent by a dear friend, "The Camel Rider's Journal" by David Garrison. John sent this resource to me due to my love for reaching the Muslim community. Facts are, more Muslims are coming to Jesus Christ for indwelling Life than at any other time in Church history. While I understand that the "average" Christian views these precious people as our enemy, which they are by organic traits, but...this group is probably the best target for our end times objective. If you have a passion to reach the descendants of Abraham's actual firstborn son - Ishmael, this is the resource for you. Check Here.

I blew out my graphics card. As "fate" would have it, while I was producing the movie trailer for Paramount - Terminator, Dark Fate, my system began to crash many times over. The end product was significantly flawed. Since the average eye doesn't catch the rendering flaws, on the other hand, Paramount and a producer caught each flaw. It will affect my standing but they said they would consider the CPU issue. I first thought, "serves your right." Then I was reminded of the powerful lesson God provided through this venture. Not to mention the new job opportunities and the opening of the IM Media Production outreach - pay per service. View the public release trailer for our new adventure - IM Media Gone Wild. This was a sample media bite I was asked to present to a "client," of a mainstream denomination. Well, long story short. After multiple system crashes and glitches, with rendering flaws, it took 4 times longer to produce this 1-minute clip - 8.5 hours to be exact. Not good for production costs.

While I am thankful for close friends stepping up and donating $200 toward this $786 need for a new graphics card, we still are burdened with a $500 need. Please pray about this. Now with two new client jobs on the table, I am stalled.

During this sabbatical, when I appealed to the Lord for His method of taking care of our ministry needs, His answer was the same as He has stated many times over - Put your trust in Me. I can't tell you how tough this is for both Jane and me. Our ministry is growing exponentially, while the donor circle is remaining the same. Another item to pray regarding.


I will continue these journal entries as time permits. As some of my closest confidants know, I have been on a partial sabbatical since July. Meaning, while maintaining my online responsibilities, I have refrained from most local ministry endeavors - as in pastoring our local church, in-house discipleship & social activities. The objective was to remove as many distractions as possible. Little did I realize I was about to enter one of the darkest transitions of my life.

My first day was filled with 18 hours of demons screaming lies. This horrid time was broken up by an angel arriving to chase away the domain of darkness. I will save the gory details for my autobiography, but...I will tell you this, it was raw, real and ideal for the Lord to get my attention. And that He did.

I spent many of days & weeks facing these waves of despair. I experienced the lowest of the low to the highest of praise. I was faced with the embrace of my two loves, comfort and despair. Loving despair? Yes. Even though both are ideological, and fruitless to behold, it was a place I discovered my love for despair. Much like a love-affair. During this dark time, I came to know a new level of my love of the self-life. Wicked as this sounds, it is true. My flesh is heavily cloaked in self-pity. The addictive kind.

At the beginning of my sabbatical, the Lord took me to the story of Jacob wrestling with an angel (Gen. 32). Here is the bad news I heard. The Lord revealed this will be my journey in the near days, weeks & months. I thought, "Really God?" Not only was this the case, but I also came out with a permanent scar. The type of scar that reminds me daily of what it looks like in that dark place where the flesh wages war with the Spirit. One of my counselors stated, "Few have been given the privilege of seeing this place. You have. Cherish it." It is a place I hope never to visit again. It is dark, torturous, and demands separation.

The good news, it separated me from my flesh.

Today, I am more focused on the Spirit of Truth. I see life as one single opportunity to advance the mission & vision of Jesus Christ. I find myself making use of every opportunity available to proclaim His indwelling. Yesterday I was faithful to His message, today I am faithful to His Life.

Even though this sabbatical will continue until the Lord releases me, I am assured I am through the roughest part of the storm - God willing. Stay tuned. I certainly will.


I have been asked to do two additional trailers. The first is for a popular Christian musician, by way of a music trailer covering bits of each of his songs in his new album. The second is a progressive short-film for a leading denomination. Yes, this all came out of the Terminator trailer. Godological reasoning is beginning to unfold.

I blew out my graphics card. While producing the trailer, my system began crashing - repetitively. After finishing my contest trailer, Paramount & a review producer noticed a failing CPU graphics card issue, which caused rendering sync problems. I submitted this data to my IT guy in Hutchinson, sure enough, my graphics card overloaded and is failing. My already high-end computer has had glitches since. The worst part is, due to my level of productions, my upgrade card is $2,487. The good news is my IT guy will sell me his from his store display at the tune of $768. Well, that is still like a million bucks for me. Now having two actual jobs on the table, I am stalled out. 

One step forward and two behind. My mother told people as I was growing up, "Stephen makes one step forward and two behind." If she only knew how true this is. For the fun of it, I did the math on this covering a span of forty years. The outcome revealed the obvious. I never get ahead of the game. With a sharp reminder from the Lord, He reminded me of this being the standard of His people. He further revealed that our enemy always dangles a carrot in front of us, hoping to deceive the Lord's people with the ridiculousness of this ideology. Since there's only One Story, God's sovereignty & how He works in our lives for good & His purposes, a new doctrine is being proclaimed. This is the single most "oneliner" that is coming forth from my sabbatical. God has made it clear to me that sovereignty requires being still and waiting. In my high-achieving mind, there is no logic to this. It rubs in the face of what my mother told others. As you probably have guessed by now, a confession of renouncing is in order. Today, I confess this.

My precious Groom, I confess that the belief statement my mother embedded into my soul, 'One step forward and two behind' - is an outright lie in your Kingdom. How can a God of sovereignty who knows & has control over the future steps of mankind be behind? Irony oh Lord. I repent of covertly calling you a liar. You are always many steps ahead in order to manage the steps of man. Thank you for hiding the future to block us from attempting to control it. My flesh is a 'control-freak.' Today, I choose to trust in your methods of provision and purposes.  


Why I did Terminator - Dark Fate movie trailer. As many of my readers know I just finished producing a controversial movie trailer for Paramount Pictures. Last week, I was invited to submit a sample video to a contest in order to introduce amateur producers to the movie industry. I thought, "why not." I sent them a recent production called, "The Original Rome." To my surprise, I was invited to the next level. With that surprise came  a serious challenge for me - we were required to produce a trailer for the "Terminator - Dark Fate." You would have to know me but...that was the worst topic you could have asked me to work on. I hate cyborg. It's demonic. Due to my passion to enter the market of helping Christian film companies produce quality movies, and their commitment to accomplish just that - I had a war in my soul.

See why. Watch the trailer HERE.

Back in my [9-10-2019] entry, you can review the dream I had regarding how demons look and function. The key common denominator I discovered was how these demons could liquify, particularly the main demon upstairs that was attempting to pull a child into its liquid stomach. If you remember, the illumined one told me to go back and point my finger at the demon inches away from its stomach - without touching it, release the indwelling Light - and "fry" it. This moment in my dream is what marked the final victory. 

Now the connection. Fifteen days later, I was asked to do this movie trailer. When I discovered the theme, I was ready to abort the contest. After talking to Jane, she encouraged me to follow through. After being a bit shocked that she felt I should move forward, I did. While I was producing the trailer, and having to integrate 100+ elements, my dream came alive. First, I realized that creator James Cameron was "divinely" inspired. Secondly, his mission was to explain the Biblical elements of the Book of Revelation through demonics, by way of cyborgs. It was then I realized why I was to "play a part" in this contest.

Even though there is little chance of winning this contest (Nov. 1st), this opportunity has already opened the door to dialogues between me and several producers - with being able to reveal where James got this story, either by "divine" intervention or other means AND what the real version is all about. I don't know what the future holds for the full reasons contained in this contest, but I am eager to find out.